The experience of learning is a lifelong endeavour that involves the attainment of abilities that are not innate (Gerber et al., 1990; Hendrick, 1998). Most learning is gained through behavioural learning however, behaviour is also learnt. That means that an individual’s behaviour can be favourable to, or unfavourable to, learning. Since behaviour occurs within contexts specific to an individual, the most effective learning occurs when that individual accepts responsibility for their own learning by being intrinsically motivated to learn. Intrinsic motivation relates to what inherently moves people to think, act and develop (Deci & Ryan, 2000, 2008).
That said, for the most part social learning has the principal influence on shaping human behaviour. From birth, social awareness and understanding are required to be learnt through social interaction and imitation gained from care givers and specific others. It takes place by watching and learning from other people’s behaviour (Bushwick, 2001). However, the typical ways of learning how to behave socially and acquire language is impaired for those on the autism spectrum and this impairment results in many problems with learning. Atypical social development, together with additional learning problems, such as generalisation and deficits in executive functions can work together to intensify a lack of intrinsic motivation to learn. Generalisation is the concept that past learning can be used in different situations to identify the relevant behaviour to be applied in a present situation (that is, across subjects, settings, people, behaviours, or time) (Mercer & Mercer, 1993). Executive functions are described as a group of cognitive abilities that include factors such as: response discretion and restraint when considered necessary; sequencing of behaviours; cognitive flexibility; self-regulation of behaviours; planning; and organisation of behaviour (Brady et al., 2017). Inflexible and repetitive behaviours due to maladaptive learning caused from inabilities to express thoughts and views, or to exercise control over events can also impair the ability to learn socially. When combined together, the above aspects can make the action of social learning a difficult venture for those on the spectrum. When going amiss, learning is made all the more unpleasant and a laborious task to repair, which can further affect intrinsic motivation. A foreseeable response can be – why bother?
For adults with autism, the gap between intellectual ability and practical everyday interactional functioning created by their lack of social learning, may often produce a great deal of stress for them to accomplish the daily requirements of a relationship. Many individuals with autism frequently describe intense anxiety (Dubin, 2009). Kanner’s original description of the autism spectrum included extreme anxiety and fearfulness. A study on the prevalence of anxiety and mood problems in autism and Asperger’s Syndrome found that substantial proportions of participants scored at clinically relevant levels of generalised anxiety, with no differences on the anxiety and mood measures between a diagnosis of autism or Asperger’s Syndrome. Additionally, their study found that a high rate of anxiety and depression problems for individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome had a significant impact on their overall ability to make changes. When adults with autism have missed crucial links in the learning chain, the frequent failure to achieve success in their social interactions has the potential to cultivate a lack of confidence in conversational and interactional skills. This lack of confidence, due to past failures, has the potential to intensify feelings of anxiety and further impact on an intrinsic motivation to learn and adapt to new situations. When intrinsic motivation to learn is lacking, learned helplessness may also result.
Learned helpless behaviour is formed from a psychological position where individuals feel powerless to change their self or situation. Learned helplessness creates three basic deficits – (cognitive, emotional, and motivational), which destroy the desire to learn. Individuals with autism are especially prone to exhibit learned helplessness behaviours in a variety of domains due to many failures in social interactions and lack of confidence in conversation skills. A lack motivation stops learning by ending the response to start learning. It is a cognitive deficit since it becomes a learnt, conditioned response. An emotional deficit leads to depression and lower self-esteem. Depression and low self-esteem are mostly triggered when individuals credit negative occurrences to internal, established, and overall factors. Essentially, the individual believes that is not possible to bring about change, since they see it as an inescapable and permanent personal problem. The resulting negative attitude develops over time in reaction to past failures. Conceding defeat can result, which has the potential to become a self-perpetuating cycle of failure. Thus, when required to communicate and decipher meaning with another brain one is in relationship with, in a manner that is difficult and sometimes unachievable for an adult with autism, anxiety with learned helpless behaviours can result. Learned helplessness makes learning anything new almost impossible because it aborts the learning process.
Neurodiverse relationships that include one person on the autism spectrum and one person who is neurotypical (NT) may encounter substantial challenges due to these issues. Irrespective of the high intellect and proficient capabilities that many adults on the spectrum have in some areas of life, research confirms that compared with people in the average population, those on the autism spectrum are usually less close and less empathic to others, regularly less supportive of others, generally less interested in others, normally less likely to enjoy interaction with others for its own sake, and relationships are mostly less important to them (Baron-Cohen & Wheelwright, 2003). In addition, when an inability to interact socially merges with the profound egocentricity those with autism usually exhibit, their rigidity of style and idiosyncratic perspective on the world often work together in undermining intimacy and closeness, while at the same time creating havoc in loved ones’ lives, and distancing those who are close. A viewpoint that interacting and relating are valued at a low level and a lack of intrinsic motivation to do anything about it can leave a partner who is NT with little option to gain the intimacy and closeness expected from intimate interactions and over time the absence of this necessary ingredient can erode the relationship.
Sometimes, however, the idiosyncratic perspectives of individuals with autism can lead to dependent behaviours, dodging responsibilities and obliging others to resolve resulting issues. Research confirms that “AS adults’ dependence on their higher functioning partner is often characterized by their partner as ‘childlike’ or even ‘like having another child in the household’” (Meyer, Root, & Newland, 2003). These “childlike” features, inability to interact socially, or a rigidity of style that inhibits social interaction, often combined with a lack of desire to socialise, can join forces to produce isolation and loneliness for an NT partner/family member. Similarly, a lack of understanding of social cues may trigger socially and emotionally inappropriate behaviours which can be distressing or uncomfortable to others. Neurotypical partners/family members may be required to act as a social go-between or interpreter of the social world for their partner/family member with autism, but may tire of straightening out embarrassing situations. Subsequently, they may avoid social situations to compensate, which gives rise to more isolation and loneliness for them.
Thus, the assortment of learning issues for those on the spectrum can result in the adult with autism avoiding the specific thing that makes a relationship function; interaction and emotional connection. For neurotypical partners and family members, they can experience deprivation of intimacy, affection, and closeness. The frequent result for neurotypical partners and family members is to become emotionally and physically depleted with resulting loneliness. The combined problems are undesirable and destructive for both people within a neurodiverse relationship.
Dr. Bronwyn Wilson
References
Baron-Cohen, S., & Wheelwright, S. (2003). The friendship questionnaire: An investigation of adults with Asperger Syndrome or High-Functioning Autism, and normal sex differences Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 33(5).
Brady, D. I., Saklofske, D. H., Schwean, V. L., Montgomery, J. M., Thorne, K. J., & McCrimmon, A. W. (2017). Executive functions in young adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Focus on Autism and Other Developmental Disabilities, 32(1), 31-43. doi:doi:10.1177/1088357615609306
Bushwick, N. L. (2001). Social learning and the etiology of autism. New Ideas in Psychology, 19(1), 49-75. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/S0732-118X(00)00016-7
Deci, E., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits: human needs and the self-determination of behaviour. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/1449618 .
Deci, E., & Ryan, R. M. (2008). Facilitating optimal motivation and psychological well-being across life’s domains. Canadian Psychology, 49(1), 14-34. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com.libraryproxy.griffith.edu.au/docview/220818810?accountid=14543
Dubin, N. (2009). Asperger Syndrome and anxiety. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
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Meyer, R. N., Root, A., & Newland, L. (2003). Asperger Syndrome grows up: Recognizing AS adults in today’s challenging world. Retrieved from http://www.aspires-relationships.com/Asperger_Syndrome_Grows_Up.pdf