Personality is made up of the characteristic patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviours that make a person unique. Personality is usually broken into components called the Big Five, which are: openness to experience; conscientiousness; extroversion; agreeableness; and neuroticism (or emotionality) (Claxton, O’Rourke, Smith, & DeLongis, 2012). These components are generally stable over time and appear to be attributable to a person’s genetics rather than the effects of one’s environment. Thus, personality arises from within the individual and remains fairly consistent throughout life. These aspects are the same for the general population as for those on the spectrum.

Evidence suggests that adults on the autism spectrum appear to express their personality through two distinct ways; a passive or inward manner or else in an aggressive or outward manner (Soderstrom, Rastam, & Gillberg, 2002). Being passive or aggressive appears to be different than introversion and extraversion. According to definitions of introversion and extraversion it appears that extraverts tend to enjoy human interactions and obtain gratification from what is outside the self, whereas introverts usually enjoy the opposite. However, in the main it would appear that people on the autism spectrum tend to be more introverted, even if appearing more extraverted. Sometimes people can quiet things internally by controlling things externally.

Passive individuals on the spectrum are those who tend to internalise thoughts and feelings and frequently become socially withdrawn, or avoid social situations (Aston & Forrester, 2002; Attwood, 2015; Grigg, 2012). They can be predisposed to internal negative talk, hidden self-blame, and depression. They can also be inclined to embellish incidents in order to paint themselves in a better light. Their lack of social competence can increase their tendency toward social withdrawal. This can affect their motivation and energy to be involved in family and social activities. As children, they can retreat into an internal made up world to seek an alternative world where they felt accepted. This can often develop into special interests in geography, astronomy and science fiction. Many do not grow out of their special interests.

Those on the spectrum who externalise thoughts and feelings can become arrogant and blame everyone else for their problems or even imitate and take on others’ personalities to extract themselves out of a problem (Aston & Forrester, 2002; Attwood, 2015; Grigg, 2012). They can overcompensate for feeling defective in social situations by denying that there is any problem, or by developing a sense of arrogance often described as the “God mode”. This is where there is a belief that they never make a mistake, cannot ever be wrong, and their intelligence must be worshipped. Arrogant individuals can also deny that they have any difficulties at all, that they always understand everything that is going on, and are so firmly entrenched in denial that they are convinced there is nothing they need to change. This is often described as intellectual arrogance, which is compensating for his/her failings by saying “I’m perfect and the problem is with everyone else”. Consequently, everyone else is to blame for everything that occurs, both to them, and to everyone else around them. To deflect undesirable attention away from themselves or to achieve dominance and control over a difficult situation they often behave with arrogance, together with an augmentative and inflexible attitude. Sometimes they even resort to intimidation, bullying and violence to achieve their purpose.

Passive-aggressive behaviour is a tendency to engage in indirect expressions of aggression through actions such as indirect insults, grumpy behaviour, stubbornness, obstructionist or calculated forgetfulness in order to disregard or deliberately and repeatedly fail to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible (McCann, 1988). Passive-aggressive behaviour can also manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, hostility masquerading as jokes, resentment and sullenness, but is nonetheless expressing personality through a passive or inward manner. Passive individuals on the spectrum also experience meltdowns and can take on some of the behaviours of individuals that are usually more aggressive, sometimes developing passive-aggressive behaviour. Also, aggressive individuals on the spectrum can become withdrawn or take on some of the more passive personality characteristics exhibiting passive-aggressive behaviour as well. However, each behaviour type tends to conduct themselves more often than not, one way or the other.

A study completed by Hodgetts, Nicholas, and Zwaigenbaum (2013), about the experience of aggression in families with people with autism spectrum conditions, found that the prevalence of aggression is higher in individuals with autism compared with those with other developmental disabilities or the general population. Furthermore, that aggression is more prevalent in individuals with more severe symptoms of autism. They reasoned that aggression in individuals with autism may stem from social difficulties resulting in frustration and difficulties with communication or from deficits in theory of mind. Additionally, their study found that aggression can profoundly influence the daily lives of individuals with autism and their families. They also said that if children with autism who experienced problems with hostility were left untreated, challenging behaviours, including aggression, are likely to continue into adulthood, becoming more severe over time.

Although adults with autism can have relatively high-status occupations, including engineers, computer specialists and university teachers, problems often arise within their close relationships since the reason for the manifestation of the difficulties is neurological with resulting problems arising from either trying to relate, or not wanting to relate. When attempting to resolve relationship issues, the adult with autism can often become frustrated, anxious and bewildered. Due to mind-blindness and atypical social development, there may be a lack of understanding how to correct a problem, a lack of awareness of how they are contributing to the problem, and a lack of understanding on how to respond to a partner’s or family member’s distress, or the partner’s or family member’s attempts to resolve issues. These matters, combined with a lack of communication skills to discuss problems, can lead to frustration and anger for the adult with autism. Additionally, when attempts to resolve problems have failed many times it may lead to a fear of failure which can pave the way to resolve circumstances in a defensive way, by either withdrawing or shutting down or by control and aggression. The approach used to handle issues may be different, depending largely on whether a person has a passive or aggressive personality type. However, emotional “meltdowns” with consequential anger, threats of violence and questionable, exaggerated complaints and criticisms of a partner or family member can be features of problems experienced by either personality type when trying to relate. These challenges are potential dangers to an intensification of conflicts within relationships, which are especially so in neurodiverse relationships.

Dr. Bronwyn Wilson

References

Aston, M., & Forrester, R. (2002, 11-17 July 2002). Living with Asperger’s. Comunity Care Magazine, Specialist Articles(11-17 July 2002), 38-39. Retrieved from www.community-care.co.uk

Attwood, T. (2015). The complete guide to Asperger’s Syndrome (Revised ed.). London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Claxton, A., O’Rourke, N., Smith, J. Z., & DeLongis, A. (2012). Personality traits and marital satisfaction within enduring relationships: An intra-couple discrepancy approach. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. doi:10.1177/0265407511431183

Grigg, C. (2012). ASPIA’s handbook for partner support: A collection of ASPIA’s best information for the support of partners of adults with Asperger’s Syndrome. Sydney: Carol Grigg.

Hodgetts, S., Nicholas, D., & Zwaigenbaum, L. (2013). Home sweet home? Families’ experiences with aggression in children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Focus on Autism and Other Developmental Disabilities. doi:10.1177/1088357612472932

McCann, J. T. (1988). Passive-aggressive personality disorder: A review. Journal of personality disorders, 2(2), 170-179.

Soderstrom, H., Rastam, M., & Gillberg, C. (2002). Temperament and character in adults with Asperger Syndrome. Autism, 6(3), 287-297. doi:10.1177/1362361302006003006