Although disagreements are a common interpersonal phenomenon, repetitive disputes that focus on a particular issue and reoccur without a complete resolution are known as serial arguments (Bevan, Finan, & Kaminsky, 2008). This type of dispute continues to resurface because the key topic remains unresolved. It is the continuously unsolved factor to a dispute that establishes the cyclical nature of serial arguments. Consequently, serial arguments continue to come back around again and again because they cause a stalemate to occur. Neither side in the dispute is able to move beyond the lack of resolution.
There is clear evidence that the most satisfied people within close relationships are those who do not avoid communication about important relational topics or conflicts, but instead develop a sense of working together through their difficulties (Gottman & Notarius, 2002; Murray et al., 2013; Smith, Ciarrochi, & Heaven, 2008). People who are neurotypical, usually see the necessity of working through their difficulties together with their partners and family members, and so, more often than not, attempt to find resolutions when conflict occurs. However, difficulties with communication, social interaction, and processing their own and other people’s emotions can lead people with autism to fail to respond to interactions, or avoid responding by withdrawing from interactions, and at times, desire a withdrawal from all interactions for extended periods of time. Sometimes, they can become annoyed or enraged by being required to participate in an undesirable interaction and consequently seek to evade the unwanted exchange. Usually these differences can cause those with autism to seek avoidance of conflict and also avoidance of seeking a resolution to a conflict. They would much prefer that the problem or issue be dropped completely, rather than what is customary for neurotypical individuals; seek conflict resolution (Roberts, 2000; Schneider et al., 2015).
Since there is an obvious difference to the matter of conflict resolution, serial arguments are a common occurrence within neurodiverse relationships. Characterised as a “communication roundabout” a central problem behind many serial arguments is the lack of reciprocal emotional interaction found within these relationships (Wilson, Hay, Beamish, & Attwood, 2017). Neurotypical partners and family members often attempt to resolve the absence of reciprocal emotional interaction through a variety of means; instructions, explanations, reminders, lists, etc. Due to the condition of autism, many partners and family members with autism fail to recognise that their neurotypical partner or family member is trying to support the relationship by reducing the lack of reciprocity and improve their connection. Instead of being able to work together through this difficulty, the difficulty itself becomes a struggle between two very different needs; the need for emotional interaction versus the need to avoid emotional interaction. This unresolvable struggle becomes one of the many serial arguments that remain unresolved and become a “communication roundabout” within mixed-neurological relationships (Wilson et al., 2017).
Dr. Bronwyn Wilson
References
Bevan, J. L., Finan, A., & Kaminsky, A. (2008). Modeling serial arguments in close relationships: The serial argument process model. Human Communication Research, 34(4), 600-624. doi:10.1111/j.1468-2958.2008.00334.x
Gottman, J., & Notarius, C. I. (2002). Marital research in the 20th century and a research agenda for the 21st century. Family Process, 41(2), 159-197. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.2002.41203.x
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., Derrick, J. L., Harris, B., Griffin, D. W., & Pinkus, R. T. (2013). Cautious to a fault: Self-protection and the trajectory of marital satisfaction. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 49(3), 522-533. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2012.10.010
Roberts, L. J. (2000). Fire and ice in marital communication: Hostile and distancing behaviors as predictors of marital distress. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(3), 693-707. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/1566790
Schneider, I., Regenbogen, C., Kohn, N., Zepf, F. D., Bubenzer‐Busch, S., Schneider, F., . . . Habel, U. (2015). Reduced responsiveness to social provocation in autism spectrum disorder. Autism Research, 8(3), 297-306. doi:10.1002/aur.1446
Smith, L., Ciarrochi, J., & Heaven, P. C. L. (2008). The stability and change of trait emotional intelligence, conflict communication patterns, and relationship satisfaction: A one-year longitudinal study. Personality and Individual Differences, 45(8), 738-743.
Wilson, B., Hay, S., Beamish, W., & Attwood, T. (2017). The communication “Roundabout”: Intimate relationships of adults with Asperger’s syndrome. Cogent Psychology, 4(1), 1-19.